She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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