Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
