i jhust puked up my retainher.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
