They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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