Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I died a long time ago.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
