he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
