I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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