he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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