I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
