Soap is not a condiment
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
