five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
