Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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