i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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