oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
