I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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