haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My balls are so social today.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
