I wish my penis had an off switch
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just threw up on my dentist
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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