i think my mom watched the whole time
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
