Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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