I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
