smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i drank out of a bidet.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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