So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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