I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
