Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
