i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Let's paint friendship bongs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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