Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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