I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
