I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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