I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
