so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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