Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

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(646): View more from New York

Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house

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(713): View more from Texas

Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.

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(970): View more from Colorado

We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later

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(210): View more from Texas

I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.

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(806): View more from Texas

You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.

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