We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
