I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
