Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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