...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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