Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
