You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
