thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
