The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
