He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
