I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
