Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
