Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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