I have demons in me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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