Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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