I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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