Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
