sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
