Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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