it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
